I see you, Mama.

As I stare at my sleeping babe through the baby monitor, I catch my breath. With all the adult-duties, wifely duties, and motherly-duties, I sometime wonder how I remember to breath. Motherhood is absolutely chaotic; an obsession of chaos. Because no mater how tough and mentally/physically exhausting it is, I wouldn’t want to experience a world without it.

Between the feedings, nap schedules, sleep training, maintaining a social life (which is pretty much nonexistent these days), and keeping that little human alive; I FEEL LIKE A DAMN ROBOT. And a sleep deprived one at that. Don’t get me wrong, there are not enough words to describe how much I love being a mama. But in all honesty, its the hardest, most rewarding thing I’ve ever experienced. Life changes so drastically when you become parents. No one ever told me that sometimes, I would feel unappreciated.

I never really knew the true meaning of exhaustion until I became a mother. Sleepless nights and constant worrying have literally taken over my brain. “How do humans survive with such little sleep”. All babies will go through their good sleeping nights and their horrible sleeping months. Cole would sleep 9+ hours uninterrupted a night until he turned 7 months, and then all hell broke loose. 4+ times a night he would wake up, scream, and wouldn’t go back to sleep until I nursed him. This lasted up until 4 days ago, and he has peacefully slept through the night without waking up (hallelujah). Might I add that he just had his first birthday 2 weeks ago. So I went months walking around like a zombie. I would forget my train of thought, contradict my every move, and frequently put cereal boxes in the fridge and my coffee creamer in the cabinet. Its quite comical what you do when you run off of no sleep.

I prepare all of his meals, wash and hang-dry all his clothes. Clean up the toys a million times a day. Ensure that he is getting his naps, enough nutritious food, water and milk. The only time I really take a moment to myself is when he takes his naps. And sometimes as I’m sitting there drinking my microwaved coffee for the 5th time, I feel selfish for taking that moment to myself. “What can I do to better myself as a mother?” I’m sure I’m not the only mama constantly asking herself this question.

I see you, Mama. I’ve come to the realization that in order to take care of someone properly, you have to take care of yourself first. You’re not selfish for taking a moment, a moment to scroll through social media, a moment to sit there in quiet, to go to the gym for an hour. YOU DESERVE THOSE MOMENTS. I see your hard work. I see how much of an amazing mother, spouse, and worker you are. And although the feeling of being unappreciated will come and go, the truth is, you are so appreciated. When that little nugget of yours cries for you, they need and want you. To see those little arms reach up and hear the words “ma-ma”, makes my heart skip a beat. When you look into their eyes and you can see their love for you is radiating. When you hold them and their head lays and fits perfectly on your chest. THESE are the moments that should always remind us that we are good mothers. These little babes trust us, want us, and need us. Every little giggle, hug, or sloppy wet kisses somehow makes you forget those tough moments. Their happiness should remind us that we are doing the damn best we can.

So although dark circles have found their home under our eyes, our hair hasn’t been washed in 3 days, and you’re new wardrobe consists of baggy t-shirts and leggings; I see you, mama. All of you. And you should constantly be reminded that you’re owning this mama business. YOU ARE A SUPERHERO. Own those dark circles and remember that you are so loved. Just look into that precious little humans face and all the problems go away, even if its just for a moment.

xox

#Historyinthesanfords